“Well, let’s look at that. The guy sees me over here with you all. He must know that you are my family unless he thinks I have the most unusual group of friends ever. So why would he buy shots of Red Death?” This took place in May of 2000. When I think of the… [Read more…]
October 1, 2008
“Are you being perceptive or sarcastic?” “Can’t I be both?” This took place in September of 2008. In the last two months of the summer of 2008, I had been on about 15-20 dates. Some were really a lot of fun. Some were absolutely dreadful. Whether it was friends trying to set me up or… [Read more…]
September 12, 2008
“OK, I’m back. And I brought my friend.” “I can see that.” “So are you ready for the both of us?” This took place in June of 2001. (I am pretty sure.) Bachelor parties hardly ever go according to plan. Despite weeks of blueprinting, something inevitably goes awry. First, the party bus is always late.… [Read more…]
July 20, 2008
She is not really staring at me, but kind of staring through me. She is letting me know that she heard me and she will get off the phone when she is good and ready. I know now what must be done. This took place in January 2004. Whether you like it or not, you… [Read more…]
July 10, 2008
This is one place that I would love to casually stroll into, pull the pins on about a dozen hand grenades, casually toss them around, and make a quick exit. This took place in April 1993. Often I look in the mirror and I am amazed. It is not what you think, though. I am… [Read more…]
July 6, 2008
I pull out my pen and my pad. I look down at the paper where I had been writing their orders. It is smudged and illegible. I think it might have something to do with the two inches of rain water in my apron pockets. This took place in June 2008. Some people just don’t… [Read more…]
June 25, 2008
I casually turn to the guy with the backpack and ask, “So where are you guys from? Mexico?” He doesn’t laugh. He doesn’t even seem remotely amused. He is definitely Canadian. This took place in August 1997. It seems that everywhere I go; I can manage to find someone to piss off. It’s true. About… [Read more…]
June 14, 2008
I come to the conclusion that this large woman at the bar must be Heather. If it is, the picture on her profile is inaccurate. Extremely, awfully inaccurate. This took place in April 2008. My short foray into the world of internet dating was a full-blown disaster. In more ways than one. I wasn’t even… [Read more…]
June 11, 2008
I tell them that is indeed a funny joke to play on people and not creepy at all. They don’t pick up on my sarcasm. This took place in May 2008. I used to wake up at around 10:00am on Saturday morning with the best intentions. Since I no longer worked weekends, I would usually… [Read more…]
June 6, 2008
I go to take a drag of my cigarette and she grabs it out of my hand and throws it. My eyes follow it to the ground and I look at it for a second. I reach into my pocket for a new one. This took place in June 2003. The year before I got… [Read more…]
June 3, 2008
They are yelling at each other still. The manager is trying to separate them. I am in the midst of possibly the biggest violation of personal space in the history of mankind. This took place in July 2004. Mulvey reminded me of this story a few weeks back and I promised I would tell the… [Read more…]
June 3, 2008
He asks us why we are leaving after just one drink. I reply that I have no intention of dying at some place called “Wild Bill’s.” This took place in August 1997. Many moons ago I worked at a little restaurant tucked in the woods on The Wissahickon Trail. . It was a great job.… [Read more…]
June 2, 2008
I have no point of reference on what to do next. This has never happened to me. This took place in May 2008. One thing you have to understand about outdoor seating, especially in towns as pretentious as Chestnut Hill, is that is extremely easy to fill the seats. Getting the customers out of the… [Read more…]
December 9, 2008
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